1. Assorted cheeses.
Because you’ll fart.
2. Steamed broccoli.
Because you’ll toot.
3. A hefty ice cream sundae.
Because you’ll pass gas.
4. Any amount of refried beans.
Because you’ll break wind.
5. Cabbage, in any of its iterations.
Because you’ll poot.
6. A nice, big bowl of prunes.
Because your butt will sing a tune.
7. Slightly damp Brussels sprouts.
Because you’ll let one rip.
8. Some spicy chili ( that doesn’t have to look like dog food, but it’s encouraged).
Because it’ll make you float an air biscuit.
9. A thick glass of milk.
Because your pants will suddenly star in Whiplash.
10. A sensual bunch of asparagus.
Because not only will you rip one, you’ll also ruin your urine.
11. A large crock of baked beans.
Because you’ll get ready to rumblllllllllllllle.
12. Roasted root veggies.
Because your new theme song will be “Turnip For What,” and no one will like it.
13. Corn, in any capacity.
Because your farts will come with a natural confetti.
14. A juicy steak, especially if hellfire is still cooking it.
Because your meat sweats will ruin your chance of love. Plus, it’s clearly still cooking.